Here are 5 steps to help you get in touch with your Inner Dominatrix, fulfill his kinky fantasies, and get what YOU want while having fun in the process:
1. Don’t fake it, just lean into what feels natural…
The biggest fear most women have is that they’ll have to become someone or something they’re not. You worry you’ll have to dress up in thigh high patent leather boots and walk around the house with a whip, commanding your man what to do. Might be for me, and not you! 😉 If that’s what comes naturally for you, then go ahead! Getting in touch with your inner dominatrix begins simply by getting in touch with your own shy girl desires, and then doing what feels natural for you.
Even shy girls have fantasies and desires. And as I said before, who would not want their very own personal slave at their beck and call? Just about every woman would enjoy being served by her man in some way. So if you have to tie him up and tease him mercilessly, or whip him with a twig from the backyard willow tree, then so be it. Find the fun in activating his turn on, and then use it to your advantage.
2. Honor his vulnerability.
If your man shares his submissive fantasies with you, he’s making himself incredibly vulnerable to you. It’s a sign that he trusts you, or he wouldn’t reveal himself to you in this way. Submitting to a woman is usually not considered ‘socially acceptable’ for a man. So, when he shares his fantasies with you, recognize that he’s exposing a vulnerable side of himself.
Honor this. Do not laugh at him. Do not shame him. Don’t judge his kinky mind or submissive desires. Realize that he’s giving YOU a huge gift by being open in this way and wanting to serve you through his submission.
3. Receive the gift he’s offering you.
In addition to his service to you through his submission, your man is also giving you the gift of learning to experience yourself in a whole new way. For many women (even with modern feminism) — being in a dominant and directive role in sex can feel unfamiliar, and even scary.
You’re also sharing a vulnerable part of yourself by exploring this new aspect of your femininity and feminine power. Receive this gift graciously. Learn to enjoy experiencing yourself in this new way. Tie him, cuff him to the bed, and blindfold… 😉 You’ll BOTH love it.
4. Keep it safe, sane, and consensual. (And choose a safe word, ha!)
With power comes great responsibility. Ensure that your explorations remain safe, sane and consensual by talking about potential scenarios and scenes you and your partner might want to explore. If you have fears or concerns, talk about them. Clarify your hard limits … what you are (and are not) OK with.
If you’re uncertain about anything, talk to him about it and educate yourself. There are plenty of great resources on the internet. And remember: You never have to do anything that you don’t want to do.
5. Keep exploration contained … at first.
Exploring new sexual terrain can feel overwhelming and confusing at first. Communication is not always clear, and embarrassing moments are unavoidable. You may feel nervous or uncertain. He may feel embarrassed and even ashamed or afraid of what you think of him now.
When branching out of your shy girl shell, create an intentional time and place for this new kind of sex play. In other words, his kinks and fantasies do not have to fill your entire relationship (or play out in every sexual interaction you share). You don’t have to be a full-time dominatrix, and he doesn’t need to be a full-time servant.
Start out part-time. Set aside a few hours or a few days where you play and experiment with your new roles. Giles describes this as a beautiful, fun, and highly effective way to experiment with your inner dominatrix without feeling like you have to be “on” all the time. Plus — I’m just guessing here — but I bet your guy probably wouldn’t make a good full-time submissive anyhow!
Opening the doors to exploring new terrain of sexual expression and relationship dynamics may feel intimidating at first.
However it could end up being one of the best things you ever do for yourself … and for your relationship. When we’re given and opportunity to know ourselves in new ways and to explore new dimensions of our sexuality and relationship (in a way that’s safe and playful), that’s a huge gift.
You go, shy girl, you’ll be happy you tried it!
Thx for the article, YourTango.com!